Week Beginning: Monday, May 9th
Starting Weight: Who knows.
Current Weight: Who knows. I still don’t have a scale that works reliably… F*ccccck.
Weekly Low Point: Hanging out at a friends house in the weird limbo between Friendship and Relationship Land and not sure what you’re doing and wanting to eat your feelings to compensate. (I didn’t, but it sounded good.)
Weekly High Point: Speaking up for my Wants and Needs… and eating rice. And a s’more. I’m not sure which was better. It’s too close to call…
Ahhhh dear people. I promised, at some point in time when I began, that this project would start to include my personal life as well… and now we are getting to it. It’s the fine line here, how much can I share while conveying to you the things I’ve gone through vs giving too much information away? I’ve always discovered that I’m like the Plus Size Taylor Swift — if we date or are close in SOME way there’s a good chance you’re going to end up in one of my songs— eeerrrgghhaaahh I mean my posts. LOL. If you’ve followed me on SarahPlusLife (which I hope you do because there’s some great stuff there!) you will have learned about the time I got stood up, for example, or the time my amazingly awesome long-term Man Friend gave me a lesson in “getting out of my head” when it comes to intimacy.
So let’s just say that a dear friend I’ve had for many years…. recently expressed that he had some level of feelings for me. Which *bam* came a bit out of left field after our being friends for six years. Fast forward to this past week when I’d made plans to spend a few days with him to just… see what the deal was. (FYI, I’m pretty sure I’ll explore this more in a future post.)
I don’t want to get too much into the details right here, so I’ll share a few images to assist in the retelling of this weekly recap:
Anyhow. Things didn’t go super smoothly. It was… a learning experience for me in many ways. Rather than pour my heart out here, which I know I’ll do at some point in time, let me share my XX big lessons from my experience.
Lesson One: Always have the courage to speak your heart and state your needs.
Always have the courage to speak your heart and state your needs.
I’m not 22 anymore. I know what I want in life, from myself and from potential partners. As hard and as scary as it felt in that exact moment, when things weren’t jiving right, I spoke my heart. He and I are both open adults so, emotion and talking about things was not a conversation either of us shied from, which was great. One of the greatest lessons I have learned in the recent years of my life is to have the ability to clearly identify my Needs vs Wants and to discern between the two.
One of the greatest lessons I have learned in the recent years of my life is to have the ability to clearly identify my Needs vs Wants and to discern between the two.
For example, I know that one of my Languages of Love are “words of affirmation.” (If you don’t know what this is, totes check it out. I found this really helpful in learning more about myself as a partner in relationships.) This means, that I am someone who values and appreciates positive feedback and affirmation from a partner. I like this. I want it. But… I don’t NEED it. What I need is continuity, reliability and trustworthy action. More than any other thing, this is how I speak Love and Respect and it is what I need and require from another person.
Another example? I may “want” things to happen a certain way in my personal relationships… but what I NEED is to exist in a state of clarity. I have always said that I can work with any situation and wrap my head around anything if I have a full, clear perspective on which to base myself. Even if the answers that I get aren’t pleasurable (like I guy saying he just isn’t into me) I value honesty and clarity above all.
I am proud of myself for stating to him, and speaking loud in affirmation for ME, what my needs are. Even if things didn’t unfold in a more positive way, I was true to myself. #winning
Lesson Two: When your food plan includes copious amounts of protein, own a grill or find a dude or a friend who does. “Nuff said.
When your food plan includes copious amounts of protein, own a grill or find a dude or a friend who does. “Nuff said.
No seriously. Everything tastes better grilled. I have come to believe this. And he grilled everything. An I fell in love… with the grill. That is all.
Lesson Three: Just eat the damn s’more.
Just eat the damn s’more.
There was a moment this weekend that was almost perfect. The Man Who Grilled and I were finally comfortable with each other, having hashed through the crap on the table. He was lighthearted and (slightly) inebriated and I was laughing out loud. We were outside in his backyard, lit by the night sky and a huge fire. George Straight was playing. A shooting star zipped by… and I was out of carbs for the day. A few days before I had bought stuff to make s’mores; marshmallows, Hershey Bars and Graham Crackers. S’mores are my thing. (Note: I make a really mean s’more. Mostly because I have patience. I don’t just smash the marshmallow into the flame and let it char. I make sweet fire-love to it and turn it very slowly over the flame at a safe distance till it starts to slide down the stick. Then, and only then, is it time to stick it in the fire for real. The end result? A fully melted and insanely good s’more.) And in a few seconds I had a choice to make.
Did I stick to my “plan” or did I relax, unwind and go with the flow, s’mores and all? In the end (aka like a minute later) I decided that life was really short and I went into the kitchen to get stuff for s’mores. And we laughed while I slowly roasted his, than mine, and ate them jovially while bits of marshmallow got stuck in his beard. Laughing, he shoved his face into mine and said “Wanna eat it?” and, not at all tempted, I pushed him away with the strength of a toddler.
I ate the damn s’more. And it was delicious. Life doesn’t always work according to plan. That’s why it’s called life. I went over my macros for the day. Sue me. Did I eat a dozen s’mores? No. I had one. And that’s ok. I give myself permission to not be perfect. I give myself to live a life within the cracks of perfection. And that’s totally ok.
Moving onto another subject….
I still don’t have a scale. I need to get a new one. I keep saying this. And I will. I’ve been seeing a lot of people in their journey who seem to be shedding weight quickly. I have NEVER been one of those people, which is why I declared that I would not be chasing a scale here. I am focussed on adjusting my lifestyle in a 360 degree. So, rather than focus on a number this week, I want to share with you just how I’ve changed my life in the last month.
If there is one thing I am truly embracing these days it is that my progress is going to be slow, steady and small. It is essential, like SUPER essential, that I sit back and give myself small credit for making the changes I have made. All of the above may not seem like a huge deal to other people but, to me, it’s been series of huge lifestyle changes.
All in all, a good week. Lots learned. Lots thought about. Now… onward and upward and moving forwards.