I’m not even going to lie… standing where I am right now and looking at where I want to be feels like standing at the base of Mount Everest. And here I am, this kinda older and super inexperienced climber without a Sherpa. And all I really know about climbing I know from bad movies. Like that movie Cliffhanger where the guy who plays Rocky scales huge snowy mountains in a tank top and doesn’t die of hypothermia. Awesome.
Let me start by saying what my goals are. Simple, straightforward and very clear. I want to be healthy. Right now, I know I’m not. Over the course of this journey I’ll be monitoring the changes to my weight and, probably, go to the doctor and share those results. “But Sarah,” you say, “if you haven’t gone to the doctor how do you know you’re not healthy?” My answer is… because I feel it in every damn bone in my body.
So what does this really look like?
Clearly, I personally feel as if I need to lose weight. My goal is not to chase numbers on a scale, but to approach weight loss as one piece in a way to optimize my health. Now, make sure you are sitting down when I say this but… I have a loooooooong way to go. At the time of writing this I’m not even sure of how much I weigh but, I’m estimating that, in the very very long run I’ll want to lose about 125 pounds. Maybe even more. So, basically, one and a half Olsen Twins. Oy. I’ll explore more of this at a later time. For now let’s move on to…
Food is fuel. It can also be fun, delicious, fabulous, delightful and… a big, huge emotional crutch. Raise your hands if you’ve ever “eaten your feelings” before? [I raise my own hand then look to the left, then the right and then back at this blog post on the screen.] If you’re reading this, there’s a chance that, in some way shape or form, you have a funky relationship with food. Whether you eat foods that are simply bad for you (this doesn’t make you a bad person, clearly) or whether you’re like me and sometimes don’t eat at all till the Hanger is so real that you feel you want to rip someone’s head off and, you almost do, until you find the first thing near you to shove in your face for sweet relief and the safety of everyone in your general vicinity…. [Ok, maybe that’s only me?] Nutrition is a science. And with the help of my trusty (and cute!) Jedi, Blake, I aim to become more educated when it comes to the foods that I put in my body.
There’s no graceful way to put this but… I just gotta move my ass more. Because there’s a whole life out there of physical things I want to be doing that I either CAN’T do right now or DON’T do because they are too hard for me. And that’s bananas. I mean, have you met me? I’m AWESOME! I should be able to do the things with my body that I want to without my size or or health holding me back. And so… I’m going to start moving. Here are things I want to be able to do:
- Hike some really cool hikes and take in some wicked views and not feel like I’m going to die.
- Run on a beach in an actual bathing suit.
- Have better sex. (Sorry mom and dad… love you!)
- Walk stairs. Without feeling like my knees are going to give out and I’m going to die.
- Dance more. I really love to dance. Growing up, getting down was always something I dug. Now, I find myself winded and uncomfortable half a song in.
- Punch some shit aka I want to kick box. I used to do that when I was younger and it made me feel so powerful.
- Lift some stuff. As fat as I am, the desire to feel strong and capable is in my blood.
- Walk at a brisk pace with a friend or companion, while talking, and not feel like I’m going to die.
Are you getting the general theme? Quality of life and… not wanting to die. And now the really fun stuff…
Achieve a Balanced and Healthy State of Emotional Well Being
Here’s the thing; I’m actually a pretty smart, self-aware and confident woman. That being said, I believe there are ALWAYS ways for us to improve. So, I want to start looking at things like:
- Why I seem to make the same choices when it comes to dating and why those choices always seem to be with crappy, emotionally and physically unavailable men.
- How to live in a more mindful and peaceful state, where I take on less anxiety and less of a need to control my life and the elements around me.
- Driving home how to go about living a purpose-driven life. (*cough cough* definitely one of the reasons I’m doing this blog in general!)
- Pursue a state of happiness within life. I know enough to know that “happy” isn’t a destination but a state of being.
- What an emotionally healthy relationship looks like and how to set myself up to have one.
And now here’s the part where I say something that’s hard for me to type without crying so… here goes.
At some point in time in my life, I’d like to enter into a meaningful relationship. What that means and will look like, I don’t know. But I know I want to find one. But I have to live long enough to find him. And when I do find him, I want to enjoy the hell out of him for a long, long time!